So I got roped into coaching my kid’s CCHS hockey team this year – crazy, right? Never touched a hockey stick before last month. Figured I’d better learn the rules fast before making a total fool of myself. Started digging through that massive rulebook everyone talks about – thick as a brick and twice as heavy.
The Disaster Practice
First practice was pure chaos. Blew the whistle when some kid slammed another into the boards – thought it was dirty. Turns out body-checking’s totally legal in CCHS leagues! All the parents glared while the ref explained it like I was five. Embarrassing as heck. Later stopped play for a high stick that never touched anyone – wasted five minutes for no reason. Felt my face burning when the captain muttered “coach doesn’t know jack” loud enough for the whole rink to hear.
My Secret Rulebook Mission
That night I chugged coffee and binge-read the rulebook till 2AM. Made highlighters run dry marking up these five brutal lessons learned:
- Legal Hits Hurt: Body checking’s allowed if you’re shoulder-to-shoulder and not targeting heads. Let ’em crunch unless they cross the line.
- High Sticks Aren’t Automatic Stoppages: Only blow the whistle if the puck touches a raised stick above the shoulders. Saved my team from unnecessary breaks next game.
- Offsides Isn’t NFL Style: Entire puck must cross the blue line before any attacking player. Blew my mind – I’d been calling it wrong for weeks.
- Delay of Game Sinks Teams: Shooting puck over glass in defensive zone = instant penalty. Saw this bite another rookie coach hard last weekend.
- Three Strikes You’re Out: Third penalty for same player = ejection. Forgot this mid-game once and nearly caused a mutiny.
Redemption Shift
Next practice I brought printed cheat sheets. Made the whole team run drills specifically for offsides and delay-of-game awareness. When Jason took his third dumb penalty, I benched him immediately – no arguments. Even corrected a ref on a high-stick non-call during scrimmage (felt like a boss). Best moment? Seeing parents actually nod instead of eye-rolling. Still screw up sometimes, but now at least I know what I didn’t know. Moral of the story? Never coach hockey hungover.
