Alright, let’s break down how I actually prepped for Newburyport hockey season. Started dead simple – figured since I’m pushing 40 but still think I’m 20, why not join rec league? First step was checking registration dates. Missed those, you’re toast. Woke up at 5 AM coffee in hand, laptop fired up like it was Ticketmaster concert. Website crashed twice. Finally got in, choked seeing the fee: $385 just to step on ice. Smashed that credit card button anyway.
Next disaster: gear. Dug out my ancient bag from basement. Smelled like dead raccoon. Gloves were stiff as hockey pucks. Had to start from scratch. Drove to Pure Hockey in Danvers – sales kid took one look at my beer gut and sighed. Started grabbing stuff:
- Helmet ($90 – “Don’t cheap out on brain,” he said)
- Skates ($250 – felt like walking in concrete blocks)
- Shoulder pads ($75 – made me look like RoboCop)
- Stick ($130 – why does carbon fiber cost this much?)
Walked out $600 lighter. Then remembered: NEEDED sharpening. Found sketchy guy operating outta garage near rink. Charged $10 but took chunks outta blade. Went back twice. Still wobbled.
Off-ice prep sucked worse. Tried jogging – knees screamed after half mile. Switched to dragging kids’ wagon filled with cinderblocks around neighborhood. Got weird looks. Did “dryland stickhandling” with tennis ball in driveway. Neighbor’s dog stole it. Twice.
Finally hit first open skate. Forgot how to stop. Slammed into boards like cartoon character. Some 12-year-old zoomed past laughing. Out of breath after two laps. Real cost hit me: pride + $1,000+ gear + gas driving to rinks + beer money after getting torched by teenagers.
Season starts next week. Still can’t backwards crossover. Gear smells slightly less like death. Moral? Just dive in. Buy mouthguard so you don’t lose teeth. And start saving – hockey eats cash faster than Zamboni scrapes ice.
